One ply, two ply, toilet paper outcry. Dominating campus discourse, Haverford’s athlete/non-athlete divide has been a hot topic in recent years. Varsity athletes make up 40% of the student body, meaning this divide threatens to tear apart the fabric of our campus and destroy all that we know and love about the Haverford community.
![](https://i0.wp.com/haverfordclerk.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Mathis-Toilet-Paper-Article-640x464.jpg?resize=480%2C348)
Since arriving at Haverford, I have been on a quest to investigate this divide. I didn’t want to ply, but I had to know how deep it goes. Can not having to do laundry corrupt a person? Is there such thing as too much grunting at the GIAC? What is it like to eat at the high tables? I was never able to find concrete proof of the divide. That is until today. I was on assignment in the GIAC when duty called. Too far from VCAM, I reluctantly headed for the GIAC toilets. There, I discovered something shocking and awing. The GIAC bathrooms have TWO-PLY toilet paper!
Anyone who has taken care of business on campus knows our bathrooms are stocked with single-ply toilet paper — not only the bottom of the toilet paper food chain, but also a significantly risky proposition (one must never forget to fold). What does it say about our institutional priorities when our library has measly one-ply and our athletic center has two-ply? Are we here to play school or play sports?* All I know is my post-coffee pit stop is forever changed.
*This line is inspired by a 2012 tweet by then Ohio State third-string quarterback Cardale Jones (https://deadspin.com/ohio-states-third-string-quarterback-aint-come-to-play-5949274)
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