Hard on the court, soft in the stall: The advantage of being a Varsity Athlete

One ply, two ply, toilet paper outcry. Dominating campus discourse, Haverford’s athlete/non-athlete divide has been a hot topic in recent years. Varsity athletes make up 40% of the student body, meaning this divide threatens to tear apart the fabric of our campus and destroy all that we know and love about the Haverford community.

Since arriving at Haverford, I have been on a quest to investigate this divide. I didn’t want to ply, but I had to know how deep it goes. Can not having to do laundry corrupt a person? Is there such thing as too much grunting at the GIAC? What is it like to eat at the high tables? I was never able to find concrete proof of the divide. That is until today. I was on assignment in the GIAC when duty called. Too far from VCAM, I reluctantly headed for the GIAC toilets. There, I discovered something shocking and awing. The GIAC bathrooms have TWO-PLY toilet paper! 

Anyone who has taken care of business on campus knows our bathrooms are stocked with single-ply toilet paper — not only the bottom of the toilet paper food chain, but also a significantly risky proposition (one must never forget to fold). What does it say about our institutional priorities when our library has measly one-ply and our athletic center has two-ply? Are we here to play school or play sports?* All I know is my post-coffee pit stop is forever changed. 

*This line is inspired by a 2012 tweet by then Ohio State third-string quarterback Cardale Jones (https://deadspin.com/ohio-states-third-string-quarterback-aint-come-to-play-5949274)