Dear Haverfriend: Party Animals, Mean Professors, and the Unacknowledged Hook Up

Hey, everyone! I am a real Haverford student and I have strong opinions about your life. Just remember that I can’t substitute for professional advice because I am an undergrad and consequently I know nothing.

Dear Haverfriend,

I’m a first year, and while I generally like my customs group, none of them really like going out. While I wouldn’t call myself a party animal, I enjoy going to parties and drinking on weekends, and I occasionally smoke. Talking to people I know off the hall, my behavior is pretty typical for a Haverford student, but some people on my hall are making me feel bad for wanting to go out. I totally understand if they don’t want to go or don’t drink or smoke, but it’s gotten to the point that I don’t like talking to some of them about parties because I know they’re going to react badly or insinuate that my very normal level of drinking (pregame and parties on Fridays and Saturdays, never thrown up, blacked out, or been to the hospital) is indicative that I have a serious alcohol problem. Please help!

Dearest Not a Party Animal,

I’m laughing because when I was a first-year, I came from a high school where everyone claimed to have never touched alcohol, another human being, or a book with swear words in it. I say this only to open the possibility that your peers judge due to inexperience. The bad news is that it’s very hard to confront a whole group of people about something they *seem* to feel. The good news is that it sounds like you are somewhere around one month into your first year, which is an ideal time to start making a few friends outside your customs group. When you go out, try meeting up with people you want to get to know better. If you’re invested in your customs group, you may decide to stay in once and a while and watch a movie with them, but definitely cultivate outside friendships with people who share your interests. I predict it won’t be long until you find some people who match you a little more closely on the scale of party animal to phantom 500.

Dear Haverfriend,

I hate my professor. I’m taking a required major course this semester and my prof and I just can’t seem to get along. Their expectations are totally unclear, they’re rude when I go to office hours–think ten minutes late to a fifteen minute meeting, treating me like I’m stupid for asking questions–and I’m starting to feel like they dislike me as well and it might affect my grade. How do I deal with this?

Dear Hate My Professor,

Take some comfort in the fact that you’ll be able to give them a really bad eval at the end. You might try comparing notes with other students- do they feel the same way? If so, it may have nothing to do with how you’re performing in the class. If you’re truly concerned about your grade, you could try talking to your dean. I would recommend withholding the name of the professor if possible, but you could describe the habits you just described here and ask your dean for some strategies to help survive the class.

Dear Haverfriend,

I hooked up with this guy at eighties dance. I thought we had a good time. It definitely seemed like a one night thing, but we had fun and parted on good terms and he got my number. Now he won’t even make eye contact with me in the DC. It’s making me feel bad about what I thought was a fun, casual night and he’s ashamed of having hooked up with me. I don’t want to hook up again necessarily, I just want him to acknowledge me. What’s a girl to do?

Dear Eighties girl,

Ugh, I hate this. Why can’t people just be normal? But listen- the way I see it, you are the one who came out with all the advantages. You had a good time, you don’t feel ashamed of something totally fun and normal, and you’re not too engrossed with your own inner pain or whatever to acknowledge the person you hooked up with. Leave this weirdo to his own devices and pointedly ignore him at the next party.

That’s it for this week! If you have a question or are in need of advice, use the form below to submit something for next week’s column.

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